“Why Are You Still Single?” And Other Things You Should Not Say
Winter break = Mainland Adventures
During the few weeks I spent in Ohio, I spent several days in my little hometown in southern Ohio. As with any trip home, comes the awkward reunions with old classmates, friends with whom I have not stayed in touch, and past acquaintances (the little old church ladies are the worst). After the initial salutations, people expect some sort of short synopsis of my life since graduating high school. I give the run-down: Blah blah, Ohio State, blah blah, Grad School, Hawaii, blah blah, archaeology. In turn, I inquire about his or her life because it’s the polite thing. The response almost invariably involves something along the lines of getting tied down and/or knocked up. Then the next move is ALWAYS asking me of my relationship status, at which point I want punch the person in the throat.**
Are you kidding me?! I just told you I study ARCHAEOLOGY in HAWAII. Fucking Hawaii! And the only thing you can come up with is “Have you found someone yet?” You couldn’t come up with any other question??! Hell, ask me about the fucking weather before interrogating me about my love life! Is that what makes a person truly interesting? Will I hold your attention longer if I had managed to pop out a few brats in the last few years? Why is my worth as person defined by my relationship status and not my achievements? Is my level of success less because I haven’t managed to “wrangle a man” yet?
The worst, and I mean absolutely worst, is when a person asks in earnest, “Why are you still single?”
Because I am a cold-hearted bitch with commitment issues?
What do you want to hear from me? I realize that this person is trying to pay me some sort of weird compliment by asking this, but it is a really backward way of doing so. I would much prefer if the conversation went something like, “Wow, you are supah cool and like smart and stuff. I wish I hadn’t been so hasty in my decision in pledging myself to my current partner. I would totes sex you up.” At least this way I am not left questioning my self worth.
Let’s think for a moment that I am perfectly happy with the way things are. Not content… Not settling… But happy….”Single and Happy?” Blaspheme! Truly this girl must be putting on some sort of brave facade as she pretends to embrace her lonely spinsterhood at 23. She is a creature that needs to be pitied. And hopefully, one day some poor sap will scoop her up and end her misery.
Fuck. That. Noise.
Sooo… We eventually say our goodbyes and I walk away seething. Then I remember that I don’t actually care what this person thinks, otherwise I would have stayed in contact with him or her. All is right in the world again. Cue: skipping off into the sunset.
Moral of the story: If you run into an old friend/acquaintance do not ask of their love life right off the bat unless they freely volunteer the information first. Surprise! People are way more than who they are attached to.
Also, I look forward to being a cantankerous cat-lady with a clowder of kittens (how is that alliteration for you?). I will be sitting poolside, sipping gin and tonics, and harassing some pretty young thing named Javier.
**Note: I have yet to actually punch a person in the throat for this offense.
During the few weeks I spent in Ohio, I spent several days in my little hometown in southern Ohio. As with any trip home, comes the awkward reunions with old classmates, friends with whom I have not stayed in touch, and past acquaintances (the little old church ladies are the worst). After the initial salutations, people expect some sort of short synopsis of my life since graduating high school. I give the run-down: Blah blah, Ohio State, blah blah, Grad School, Hawaii, blah blah, archaeology. In turn, I inquire about his or her life because it’s the polite thing. The response almost invariably involves something along the lines of getting tied down and/or knocked up. Then the next move is ALWAYS asking me of my relationship status, at which point I want punch the person in the throat.**
Are you kidding me?! I just told you I study ARCHAEOLOGY in HAWAII. Fucking Hawaii! And the only thing you can come up with is “Have you found someone yet?” You couldn’t come up with any other question??! Hell, ask me about the fucking weather before interrogating me about my love life! Is that what makes a person truly interesting? Will I hold your attention longer if I had managed to pop out a few brats in the last few years? Why is my worth as person defined by my relationship status and not my achievements? Is my level of success less because I haven’t managed to “wrangle a man” yet?
The worst, and I mean absolutely worst, is when a person asks in earnest, “Why are you still single?”
Because I am a cold-hearted bitch with commitment issues?
What do you want to hear from me? I realize that this person is trying to pay me some sort of weird compliment by asking this, but it is a really backward way of doing so. I would much prefer if the conversation went something like, “Wow, you are supah cool and like smart and stuff. I wish I hadn’t been so hasty in my decision in pledging myself to my current partner. I would totes sex you up.” At least this way I am not left questioning my self worth.
Let’s think for a moment that I am perfectly happy with the way things are. Not content… Not settling… But happy….”Single and Happy?” Blaspheme! Truly this girl must be putting on some sort of brave facade as she pretends to embrace her lonely spinsterhood at 23. She is a creature that needs to be pitied. And hopefully, one day some poor sap will scoop her up and end her misery.
Fuck. That. Noise.
Sooo… We eventually say our goodbyes and I walk away seething. Then I remember that I don’t actually care what this person thinks, otherwise I would have stayed in contact with him or her. All is right in the world again. Cue: skipping off into the sunset.
Moral of the story: If you run into an old friend/acquaintance do not ask of their love life right off the bat unless they freely volunteer the information first. Surprise! People are way more than who they are attached to.
Also, I look forward to being a cantankerous cat-lady with a clowder of kittens (how is that alliteration for you?). I will be sitting poolside, sipping gin and tonics, and harassing some pretty young thing named Javier.
**Note: I have yet to actually punch a person in the throat for this offense.
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