Ah, Tailgating: America's True Pastime Oct. 15, 2010

Ah, Tailgating: America’s True Pastime

Today I received this email from the Vice Chancellor of Students. I have highlighted in bold print particularly interesting lines regarding proper drinking practices. I have also added proper translations.
Aloha Students, (In case you didn’t already know, we are in Hawaii) 

As you cheer on our Warrior football team this weekend (woo hoo!) at Aloha Stadium (Don’t forget, you are still in Hawaii), the Vice Chancellor for Students Office would like to remind you that we expect all students to follow the Student Conduct Code ( i.e. don’t get caught doing stupid stuff) while commuting to, tailgating and attending the event.  This includes complying with the Hawaii Underage Drinking Laws summarized on the following website: http://hawaii.gov/ltgov/drug-control/underage-drinking. 

Due to complaints of liquor law violations at Aloha Stadium, especially at tailgate party activities, these will be monitored by authorities including the Liquor Commission and appropriate enforcement actions may be taken.

The Manoa Alcohol Project (www.manoaalcoholproject.org) would like to offer you the following low-risk drinking tips:
1. It is illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to purchase, possess, or consume alcohol. (i.e. Don’t get caught)
2. If you are 21 or older, it is illegal to provide, sell to, or purchase alcohol for anyone under the age of 21.( i.e. DON’T GET  FUCKING CAUGHT)
3. If you are 21 or older and choose to drink:
• Pace and space your drinks by sipping slowly and keeping it to 1 drink per hour (Nurse that motherfucker until it gets so gross and warm you never want to finish it, OR you can bong every beer you come in contact with)
• Stay hydrated by having a non-alcohol drink such as water, soda or juice before having another drink containing alcohol. (One shot of 151 in said non-alcoholic drink won’t hurt because you are staying hydrated)
• Eat before, during, and after consuming alcohol.
• Plan a safe ride home before you start drinking (Make sure the DD stops shotgunning Icehouses by 3rd quarter).
• Count and measure your drinks (Keep a running tally to prove how awesome you are at drinking).
• Follow the medically recommended alcohol consumption limits of:
• Men = Never more than 4 drinks (Stop at 4 drinks if want everyone to think you are a pussy)
• Women = Never more than 3 drinks (Stop at 3 mixed/malted beverages because you will get sick. Switch to beer. It tastes like water at this point anyway)
• Know how to say “No” when offered a drink you don’t want. ( How do you make that drink? I have never heard of it)

We appreciate your individual contribution to our community’s safety while attending this UHM-sponsored event.  (DON’T GET CAUGHT!!!)

GO WARRIORS!!