“Welcome To Hawaii”
In my lifetime, I have come in contact with several people who can’t help but talk with a condescending tone. It’s almost as if their idea of self-importance has so completely warped their sense of decency that they are unable to communicate in a polite manner. These people exist everywhere. I can’t really seem to escape them. Lately there is this phrase that keeps popping up randomly in conversations that just irks me: “Welcome to Hawaii.”
Yes. I realize I have only been here two months, and there are a lot of social intricacies that I have yet to learn. But surprise! I do actually understand the way societies and cultures function. It’s not like I haven’t spent the last four years studying human cultures or anything. The best (and by “best” I mean “most fucking annoying”) part is that the people saying “Welcome to Hawaii” are not the people who have lived their whole lives here. In fact, most people who have said this to me have been here less than a year. Are you fucking serious? You are trying to tell ME about the way of life here when you yourself have not lived in Hawaii any longer than I have. Go fuck yourself.
Here is an example of a conversation I had with another new graduate. Please note that I am just trying to keep a dying conversation going by discussing a recent observation:
Me: The attitude towards marijuana on the island is very different from the Midwest. Back home, you would never see a student standing outside his dorm in the middle of the day smoking a bowl…(at this point I am interrupted by the other new graduate student)
Other Student: Welcome to Hawaii.
Me: … (I refuse to say any more because I am seething and close to ripping this other person’s face off.)
The simple fact that I am making a commentary on an observation means I am somewhat, if not, fully aware of my surroundings. AND if this person had let me finish my thought he or she would have realized that I had an interesting point and/or comparison to make.
This sort of thing happens all the time. I can be discussing the traffic, the weather, the politics, the sports, or ANYTHING and some other new person will tell me “Welcome to Hawaii” like he or she is some sort of island lifestyle expert.
Sometimes people say it even when I mention something related to Hawaii:
Me: Man, I hate riding TheBus (Remember, this is the name of Hawaii’s public transit service). I tend to get confused by bus routes, times, and stops.
Other Person: Welcome to Hawaii.
Me: …
No. No! NO! Although I was talking about TheBus, I could have also said the same thing about COTA or any other bus service in the world. I was just expressing my distaste for public transportation in general.
Or how about the time I walked into a room soaking wet after getting caught in a quick rain.
Me: Hehehe… I got caught in the rain.
Other Person: Welcome to Hawaii.
Wow. Thank you. I did not realize that living in a tropical climate meant sporadic rain showers. After all, there hasn’t been some sort of precipitation every single day since I moved here. For the record, I have never been caught in a sudden rain shower anywhere outside of the island, especially not in Ohio during the summer. Quick showers are truly unique to Hawaii.
There is absolutely no reason to say this phrase to another person unless you are actually welcoming them to the island. Saying this phrase for any other reason is just obnoxious.
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